I give up. Fuck this shit. Life, you win.
There are just some days I wake up and I can't tell myself, "You're a winner, a fucking champ." Those days seem to be growing in number rapidly with the passing days. I feel myself becoming more and more of a drone, a mindless insect, a useless blob. That actually depresses me quite a bit. I don't even feel like writing it so fuck that, I'm going to sleep.
January 10, 2012
January 7, 2012
Just Hansern Moving On
One day, I'd like to know the meaning of life, the truth of the universe, the beauty of emotions, the sharp tinge of failure, the bittersweet of success, the awe in flavours, the power of insight, the exquisiteness of scenery. As my life goes, it doesn't look to be soon, but that's OK because I'll live to be two hundred years old anyway. Failing that, hey, death doesn't seem like such a bitch, anyway.
I want to take a minute to reflect on my life thus far; met some amazing people, made awesome friends, had myself a good time, there were bad times as well, boring times, exciting times, depressing times, done some good things, a lot of bad things, sustained some injuries, some days went without, heartbreak, happiness, I don't think I found anything anyone would call love so let's call them volatile emotions instead. At the end of the day, I'm still alive, well and kicking.
When I think about it, my life is pretty dull. Do I choose it to be so? Certainly not. Am I living in a way that would make it so? Why yes, yes, I think I do live in a way that would make it so. I decline invites, I forego activities, I stay at home, do the same things, I don't learn much everyday, I don't love many things but I don't hate them either. I think it's important to have a stand on everything. If you don't love it and you don't hate it, chances are, you've never tried it; unless you're prone to loving something you've never done or, even worse, hating it, then you're just being a hypocrite and/or an asshole.
We find that experience is an amazing thing; why? It broadens our minds, makes us less shallow, we find new things, we give up some things, we learn to enjoy others, and start to hate some, but we always come out on top because at the end of the day, we are all better people thanks to experience. Failing that, we are people that have advanced from what we were before and I feel it doesn't matter where you are from that point as long as you have advanced, good or bad, who is to decide? Certainly, not every bad thing is always bad and not every good thing is always good. Do we fuck our lives up by doing them? Maybe, but that's just how life works. Sometimes, you're good and awesome and you change the lives of the people around you in a good way; sometimes, you just fuck up, plain and simple, and you cause a lot of misery to everyone around you but, hey, life goes on.
Sometimes, you just have to live for yourself, it doesn't matter if you end up homeless, it doesn't matter if you end up dead, it doesn't even matter if you kill other people because let's face it, a dead homeless person feels the same way a dead rich person feels... Dead. Well, that was obvious. In fact, every dead person feels the same way... Dead. Am I a little bit of an advocate of death? I suppose so. To live life is a story; introduction, build up, climax, death. Well, in stories, people usually call it an ending or a closure, I suppose? Death works here though. We all live for death, after all. There is nothing you can't do, you have free will... except not die. You HAVE to die. You have to die, I have to die, everyone has to die.
That's that, signing out.
I want to take a minute to reflect on my life thus far; met some amazing people, made awesome friends, had myself a good time, there were bad times as well, boring times, exciting times, depressing times, done some good things, a lot of bad things, sustained some injuries, some days went without, heartbreak, happiness, I don't think I found anything anyone would call love so let's call them volatile emotions instead. At the end of the day, I'm still alive, well and kicking.
When I think about it, my life is pretty dull. Do I choose it to be so? Certainly not. Am I living in a way that would make it so? Why yes, yes, I think I do live in a way that would make it so. I decline invites, I forego activities, I stay at home, do the same things, I don't learn much everyday, I don't love many things but I don't hate them either. I think it's important to have a stand on everything. If you don't love it and you don't hate it, chances are, you've never tried it; unless you're prone to loving something you've never done or, even worse, hating it, then you're just being a hypocrite and/or an asshole.
We find that experience is an amazing thing; why? It broadens our minds, makes us less shallow, we find new things, we give up some things, we learn to enjoy others, and start to hate some, but we always come out on top because at the end of the day, we are all better people thanks to experience. Failing that, we are people that have advanced from what we were before and I feel it doesn't matter where you are from that point as long as you have advanced, good or bad, who is to decide? Certainly, not every bad thing is always bad and not every good thing is always good. Do we fuck our lives up by doing them? Maybe, but that's just how life works. Sometimes, you're good and awesome and you change the lives of the people around you in a good way; sometimes, you just fuck up, plain and simple, and you cause a lot of misery to everyone around you but, hey, life goes on.
Sometimes, you just have to live for yourself, it doesn't matter if you end up homeless, it doesn't matter if you end up dead, it doesn't even matter if you kill other people because let's face it, a dead homeless person feels the same way a dead rich person feels... Dead. Well, that was obvious. In fact, every dead person feels the same way... Dead. Am I a little bit of an advocate of death? I suppose so. To live life is a story; introduction, build up, climax, death. Well, in stories, people usually call it an ending or a closure, I suppose? Death works here though. We all live for death, after all. There is nothing you can't do, you have free will... except not die. You HAVE to die. You have to die, I have to die, everyone has to die.
That's that, signing out.
January 6, 2012
If We Just Think for a Minute
I am at a crossroad in my life. It's disappointing, disheartening, it feels like a good time for life to end; nothing is happening, nobody cares and things don't matter. If we continue in this direction, we find that this is what life is about. To say the least, "Life, ah life, thou art a heartless fiend." You take away our voices, slash away at our armour, our courage wanes, our prides dethroned, our perseverance can only last so long until our faces start to look weary, tear stains evident yet nobody seems to notice, our bodies weaken, our spirits crushed; our facades that let us look happy are only, after all, just facades.
We are the empty children of the mindless generation, our knowledge grows but our intelligence stands questionable; we see ourselves becoming more and more like ants, droning, struggling, striving, all at the beck and call of the queen, what we call the government and media. We no longer hold thoughts of our own, each and every one person brainwashed into wanting what they want to have, working for what they think they need, crumbling at what they believe is the stress they brought unto themselves which truly is just another titanic conspiracy, from advertisements to television, from movies to music, liking what they think they like, looking for what they think they want to find.
The more we want what we are made to want, the less we get of what we need. Probably?
If we are to find that we do not have what it takes to reach what we are looking to reach, then what is there left for us? We like the people that don't like us and dislike the people that like us, we are never quite satisfied with what we currently have. That only makes us human, to desire what we cannot have. We confuse ourselves between genders, saying the male knows not what the female wants, the female knows not what the male wants. In actuality, the male also does not know what the male wants but we really just don't give a fuck.Why should we? We're not trying to sleep with each other; unless of course you are then, really, tell me if you understand the person you are trying to sleep with. While we stand as men, each person is individual to himself although likely to be similar to others because, hey, there are seven billion people out there. On the subject of females, well, for lack of a better standing in such a creed, I am held to not say a word about that.
Signing out.
We are the empty children of the mindless generation, our knowledge grows but our intelligence stands questionable; we see ourselves becoming more and more like ants, droning, struggling, striving, all at the beck and call of the queen, what we call the government and media. We no longer hold thoughts of our own, each and every one person brainwashed into wanting what they want to have, working for what they think they need, crumbling at what they believe is the stress they brought unto themselves which truly is just another titanic conspiracy, from advertisements to television, from movies to music, liking what they think they like, looking for what they think they want to find.
The more we want what we are made to want, the less we get of what we need. Probably?
If we are to find that we do not have what it takes to reach what we are looking to reach, then what is there left for us? We like the people that don't like us and dislike the people that like us, we are never quite satisfied with what we currently have. That only makes us human, to desire what we cannot have. We confuse ourselves between genders, saying the male knows not what the female wants, the female knows not what the male wants. In actuality, the male also does not know what the male wants but we really just don't give a fuck.Why should we? We're not trying to sleep with each other; unless of course you are then, really, tell me if you understand the person you are trying to sleep with. While we stand as men, each person is individual to himself although likely to be similar to others because, hey, there are seven billion people out there. On the subject of females, well, for lack of a better standing in such a creed, I am held to not say a word about that.
Signing out.
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