Do We Really Need To Know?

In a corner of this house, a bulb lights up; an idea, a concept, a result of mental understanding and awareness... Why have we been placed on Earth? Reading it now, it sounds simple... but think about it. Really think about it. Is it to go to heaven? Is it to continue the existence of a species of animals who are just like you? A species of animals that sooner or later will realise there is no intrinsic value in growth and become extinct anyway? A species of animals... that don't know why they exist themselves?

Sometimes, I feel that all the things we do are downright useless. What's the point of growth? What's the point of progression? What's the point of accumulating knowledge? What's the point of life? An exercise at futility, maybe? What is this? For nineteen years now... for almost half my desired lifetime... What are we doing? We move about in our own little world... ignorant to everything... not knowing why we lead the life that we lead... It feels like nothing matters... What's success when placed beside the concept of death? Why do we struggle with all the little things? All this accumulation of knowledge business... Are we just trying to start a tempest in a teacup after all? And for what? Wouldn't it be better to never have been born at all? The more I try to find a reason for this existence, the more lost I find myself. It's obvious to me now that there is no reason. We just do... In that case, wouldn't it be easier to not?

We've answered so many questions now... We know the constitution of a meteor, the Sun, Pluto... We know almost everything about the insides of a human... We know the speed of light and even the constitution of, possibly, every single atom on Earth... But we don't know why we exist. There is no one set of answers for this that are objectively chiselled into stone... and frankly, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of living. I'm tired of being led around by scholars, scientists, prophets, teachers, 'religious teachings', philosophies and all that crap. I'm tired of living a life so devoid of reason and answers. I don't even want to find out. I just want it to end... crumble into dust and disappear...

It's like asking, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"Even that, the existence of a chicken, we don't know for sure. If we trace back to evolution, we see that the egg came first. And then again, if there really is a God, either one could have come first. In which case, we ask, "Does that really even matter?" If the egg came first without evolution and let's just say this egg suddenly appears out of nothing, what would incubate it? If we say the egg comes first, then what about humans? Which came first, the mother or the baby? It should be obvious by now, then, that the parents must come first, right? And when it all comes down to it, which came first, God or humans? Does God even exist? If he created us, who created Him? Does He know where he came from? If He does, does he know what created Him? Did he just appear out of a vacuum in the universe? Did he just appear in, say, Heaven? And if so, who created Heaven? In any case, where did the vacuum even come from? Why is there a space for there to be a vacuum? Who created the vacuum?

And so on and so forth. This really is a pointless question... Like life... Nothing more than a question that will never be answered. And then again, does it matter? Maybe not... It is the past, after all... but what are we working towards? What's the future for? Do we get a prize if we can expand our knowledge to know every single thing about this universe? If so, what would that prize be? Does this prize matter when we die? That's that... Signing off.

Funny Thing, Life Is...

Look at what I've become... Look at what my blog has become... It makes me sad to realize that I've lost a part of me that, once upon a time, was such a prominent part of me. The part of me that wrote that life is meaningless... life is useless... life is going to end and we're all going straight to... hell? heaven? Who knows anymore? The religious teachings of thousands of years ago has come to converge at a single point in time, the present, diluted and somewhat tainted. Some people now believe that by accepting a religion, they're granted access to heaven automatically; like it's their birthright... like they were born to go to heaven no matter what sins they may commit. It's kinda sad, really. What was once a divine, organized approach to human spirituality has become a calling for knaves to extort money out of people with unwarranted insecurities trying to tie their life down to something more than just life before death; to cultures and beliefs and generally just to lose themselves in ignorance and denial. But enough about that. What do I know about religion? Almost nothing at all...

So where were we? Ah, yes, the part that I lost. I remember it like yesterday. This life never changes. After almost 3 years, I'm still sitting in the same chair, now a little torn up, reminiscing about times I used to have just having fun. The good days pass by so quickly. Now all that's left is to grow up and be a dull lifeless adult. Just like I planned. To think I planned all this while still having fun. So what does the future hold? Absolutely nothing... Like yesterday... Like today... Like tomorrow... Life is meaningless after all. It almost makes me want to laugh out loud. Meaningless routines... Meaningless times... Meaningless days... Meaningless accumulation of meaninglessness.

Day after day, going through what could be the last day of life... Or the first day... 19 years just crossed out of the list... The remaining yet to be told... And for what?
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Insignificant mortals, who are as leaves are, now flourish and grow warm with life, and feed on what the ground gives, but then again fade away and are dead.

Is the reality we know a reality imposed to us by nature? Is the reality and the meaning of life a creation of men, such as music, or love or colors?

Science tells us that there isn't such things as music, harmony or colors in the physical world. Just traveling molecules: «There is not, external to us, hot or cold, but only different velocities of molecules; there aren’t sounds, callings, harmonies, but just variations in the pressure of the air; there aren’t colours, or light, just electro-magnetic waves», said H. Von Foerster.

Insightful...

Do we have nothing more to add to the world? Sometimes, I can't help but to question... Question what? Everything... As art and music fade into the background, fade eternally and become specks of data in a database nobody accesses, I can't help but feel I'm a little lost. Where do we go from here? Times change, people advance... Data is gained, data is lost... New things are learnt, taken advantage of and forgotten... Yet some things never change... Like poverty, lies and deceit, good versus evil... People never seem to get bored of the conceptual interferences that we assume by nature are true.

Then what is for tomorrow? A bright light... A light that engulfs everything and then becomes darkness. Not like a supernova... But like a change that removes everything. A bad change? Maybe. Or a good change? Maybe.

It has come; a time of wandering and discovery which expands so far and so fast that it's baffling to think just a century ago, people were still travelling by carts pulled by bulls and stalls fixed on elephants. Well, more so then than now anyway. Some people are left behind; no avoiding that. Men will always require someone to step on when they succeed. It's the law of nature, after all. So... Technological advancements, educational growth; what's it all coming to? Where's it all heading and what does that mean for us? What does it mean for humanity who is destined to extinct and fade away, followed closely by 'human technology' and 'human psychology' leading to a void filled by non-living molecules, unable to inherit said knowledge? It's all so meaningless... lol. That's that...

There Is A Monkey In My Computer Room

Hanyang's dumb. Gahahaha. He's a dumb slubberdegullion. He shall suffer a wanweird. *cachinnation...
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Witzelsucht...

A suit is the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.

Woot! Random!

And When The Winds Blow

What you have before you is an illusion;
a slightly realistic model of what could be anything at all.
Shady, faded, cloudy are but words you can use to describe such a thing...
yet so magnificent in its brilliance...
and yet again, so frail.
So frail that when the winds blow, it floats...
and when a storm hits, it flies...
and when a gale comes, it is sliced...
into a thousand distinct positions with over a billion distinct combinations of landing spots...
maybe in rain...
or cold nights...
or even erupting volcanoes or stagnant land...

So it is, that when the winds blow, you will see that it has disappeared.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It vanishes into the air like smoke dispersing.
There one second, gone the next.
Not entirely a fascinating sight but worth so much more than words can say.
When it has shattered, edges turn black,
spreading over the form,
covering the picture with hate and manipulation,
lies and deceit...
until it is said, "No more," and one more bites the dust...

It is a manifestation...
Of an ugly reality borne by ugly forces;
greed... hate...
forcing its way into crevices and holes;
chinks in the armor...
It eats and tugs until there is no more...



A metaphor for confidence.

Failure...

As the seconds tick by, he starts to realise it's not as simple as he made it out to be. All the facts are but mixed signals; unorganized, barely recognizable, not at all understandable. He feels the fear seep into his knees as his legs become jelly. Mind racing uncomfortably, hand shaking uncontrollably, he's becoming more and more desperate as his hands start to sweat, the tool of the trade already slipping back and forth in his hands as his momentum dwindles and finally comes to a stop. He's blankly staring now, unsure of what to do. Whether to continue just for the fucks of it or to stop and give up instead of coming up with more wrong answers like he knows he will. It's ironic, of course, this has been what he's been doing all his life. All so same... Yet so different. As his mind blanks out, he realizes he could've done better; more in some way. But life's like that; the second chances are to those who don't deserve it; those who continue doing it when all's said and done and continue doing the wrong thing. No, for this guy, the chance has slipped and the results are inevitable. This is the end for him. This affirms the fact that he has lost; that this is the end of the road and there's only one thing waiting at the end; failure.

Taking Into Account...

Is it the supposed light at the end of the tunnel? I wonder...

It boggles me how people want to live so much. It's like they believe there is a greater purpose to this. Like if they live a full, long life, they'll be able to do something a person who dies before his time can't. Or like they'll be better than said person; somehow more full. Or they'll be better off or happier...

Every day, every hour, people die. And the next person also dies. And so does the next. But what if the next person doesn't? Or haven't, in any case. Do they ask themselves, "What is it like to die? Will I go to heaven? Or hell? Or is there nothing after this life? Will I ever know the truth behind what they said about God, heaven and hell? Or will I disappear instantly and not know even when I die, 'what happens when I die'? Will I retain my shell? Or will I become another being entirely? Or, when I die, will I just become nothing and less than even that? Will I find out my son was on drugs? Will I find out who was really behind the 9/11 attacks? Will I finally find out the truth about everything that is of the world or will I die ignorant and be dead ignorant?"
Chances are, they will never know anything. They will fall into the deepest pit of despair right before they die. They will fear God if they believe and death in general if they don't... And then they will become nothing. They will stop thinking, stop feeling, stop moving and they will cease to exist. They will bring nothing with them; not their children, treasures, feelings, thoughts or consciousness; nothing. Their life will end, their bodies will decay, and in a few decades or centuries, they will be told of no more.

Anyway, that's what science says. In any case, your life would have just been a waste of resources. The only difference between you and every other living thing, then, is you've stopped wasting and they continue doing it. I think, though, that the people that don't ask these questions are the most ignorant. They claim something that they have never seen or felt; something that nobody alive has ever seen or felt. They take it unto themselves to create an image in their minds from what another person has taught them without questioning, without inquisition and without even the desire to know. They just take whatever someone else gives them and accepts it as the truth. They will say they're right without proof and they will change the subject when you ask or spout other unproven nonsense. They will say that you should just accept it at face value as the truth because someone 'knowledgeable' and 'wise' said it. They are the ones that are the most ignorant with their whole lives panned out in front of them because they cannot think and choose the paths for themselves. Irrational and easily influenced. They just accept anything someone tells them...

On the other hand, if it is a mark you wish to leave, who do you wish to leave it to? Because every human will someday die and in the end, humans will become extinct. It may take 10 more years. It may take a hundred more years. It may take a billion years. Who knows? But what's for sure is, humankind will one day be extinct. Just like how we end if we start, from life to death, humans will end because they started... And the ripples of your 'mark' in the world will end like every wave in the sea. All your knowledge and experience - all of humankind's knowledge and experiences - restricted and stopped with nobody to inherit it.

So what motivates a person to want to live? The alleged 'wonders' of the world? Things they haven't seen? Bewilderment? Confusion? Stupidity? Ignorance? Love? Feelings? Fear of the unknown? Drugs? Alcohol? There's a plethora of reasons... But deep down, it's almost always fear; which they don't think is the case... But everyone fears death. Even if they want it. Like when a person looks down from a very tall building. Or is held at gunpoint. It's easy to see that even if a person wants to die, they will fear the gunshot or be afraid of heights (if they're afraid of heights). Just because a person wants to die, does he not fear for things that may kill him? A confined space can't kill you (the situation of lack of oxygen thereof is not taken into consideration), but some people fear it. What more something that can kill you? In any case, there is a very fine line between a person who wants to live and a person who doesn't want to die. Both have the same outcome; they will try to continue living. But the means to the ends is different. And though it may seem petty, it is a great influence; maybe not apparently but their school of thought is different...

In the end though, it all comes down to dying; whether you want to live, don't want to live, want to die or don't want to die. Four ways of thinking converging to one uncontrollable but inevitable outcome. Like independent events that map out the way you live your life but end the same way...

So how are you living your life? And what is your motivation to want to live? Or to want to die? What is your life's engine? That's the question.

Signing off.

Thin Line, Fellow. Thin Line.

There is always a point of time when a person thinks their life sucks. Well, for most people anyway. That's when they get a blog (I'm not saying all bloggers are bitchers and moaners. I'm just saying that the bitchers and moaners very often have a blog). They bitch and moan, saying how they may act strong but they're dying inside and all that kinda stuff. I have ONE word to say to you, mother fucker, if you're who I'm talking about!

You! Are! A! Bad! Actor!

You saw how i did it there? Five sentences, one word each. Now you say to yourself, "That's not one word no matter how you play with the numbers..." Well, I bluffed. Screw you. Ok, we got off on the wrong foot. That's not the point. The point is, if you're gonna say stuff like that, then why bother acting at all? Why do you try to act tough if all you're gonna do later is tell the world it was all just a facade? I mean, if you need help, say it. If you don't, shut up about it. Only one of two choices. Is that such a hard decision? And why even post stuff like that on a blog? Tell the whole world about, why don't you? Do you not know how to express your emotions using conventional ways? Can you not vandalize government property and play with skateboards like everyone else? Are you so mentally retarded that you cannot squirt some paint on a wall? Sorry, wrong foot again... The point is, everybody has their own problems. So your cat died... You mourn and you get over it. So your tortoise died... You mourn and you get over it. So your fish died... Fish aren't even fun to play with! And so what if your brother died?!? Is that even bad?!?

Sometimes, I think these people have no common sense. They're always going, "Um... Duh... My life sucks," in that troll-ish tone. I know a lot of people who have had their share of it and didn't go on and on about it like it was the end of the world. Why not you? Why not the rest of the population of posers who think it's cool to act tough but post an, "I may be tough on the outside but i'm hurt all over inside, it bleeds," on their blog? Why can't they accept the fact that this is how life works and everyone has their own problems? Ok, so maybe the next guy has less problems... but do you think the next person who has the same problems as you is whining as much as you? Gee, I don't know... Probably not?

With that said, you should understand that there is a thin line between who I'm talking about and who I'm not talking about. I'm not talking about
a)people who act tough and are tough
b)people who act tough, aren't tough but don't point that out for the rest of the world
c)people who don't go on and on about it
d)people who don't act tough and post depressing posts on their blog (because they're not being contradictive)
e)misunderstood people

And who I'm talking about is : every other whining mother fucker.

Signing off.