December 24, 2011

Time Wastin, I'm Doin It Right.

How does it feel to be pleasantly surprised? I don't know. Have I ever been pleasantly surprised? Let me think about that for a bit... Yes, I have actually. If we are to believe that life is made up of the little things, then this is as little as it gets, but there was kind of a gift exchange at work, 20th December, 2011; I got hand towels. Right now, you're like, "What the fuck, man? Seriously? Hand towels?" I fuck you not, my friends. Hand towels were a pleasant surprise. It's not much, I admit, but I can honestly say it was a pleasant surprise, rather than the ornamental decorations that clutter up the house, collect dust, just chillin in your house not hurting anybody. Granted, this was on a budget of ten bucks from someone I don't know and still don't know for that matter. Not one flying fuck is given though because who cares? I like my hand towels. True story.

Of course, the all too frequent 'pleasant surprise' that has become the pleasant-but-not-very-surprising is beer. I would give my life for beer. Not a lot, just enough to get me where I want to get. Beer is the beverage of Gods. But I'm not here to talk about beer though, fuck that. Beer has gotten enough attention. It's telling though that I would give my life for beer. You now know how much life means to me: by my estimation, two pints of good beer. I don't drink a lot, but I enjoy my drink. How many of you wasted mother fuckers can say that, huh? Puking out your cars on the way home from the clubs, waking up the next day feeling like a rat took a piss down your throat, and chased it the fuck down there, mind blasted to smithereens, rocking an awesome headache all day long. You like that, asshole? Do you?  Again though, it's none of my business what people want to do with their lives. I'm happy for you that you can enjoy your life. If you care to pay for it with a bad next day, then it's really none of my business. I salute you, even; you know how to live life. I'm just saying that if you do that, crash somewhere that's also none of my business because if I have to clean up after you, I will give you a drop kick in your sleep, on your nose, with a sledgehammer.

If, by now, you're quite lost about the direction this post is going, let me give you a hand in getting back on track. Paragraph one is bullshit, utter bullshit. There's really not much of a point there. I was just writing whatever came to mind. So paragraph two must be something, then? Not really. It's also a load of crap. OK, maybe there is a point. I think we can all gather from my recent non-posts that my mood has picked up. This post kind of reflects that, but not really. Just  to be clear though, life is good. Not that I wouldn't still give it up for two good pints, I'm just saying it's good, or better, at the very least.

Alright then, signing out.

December 10, 2011

Awareness, I don't got it

I'm so tired of life. Can you feel it in my words? Probably not. How could you? I've written four sentences so far, none with any amount of detail at all. Do you think you can judge me in four sentences? If you do, you're wrong. I may be meaningless but do you even know what a meaningless person is? Do you even know how a person can become meaningless? In hindsight, I probably didn't need to write all that crap. I doubt anyone thinks they can judge me from the first four sentences of this paragraph. On the other hand, you've probably heard it said enough times to want to forego reading this post altogether. If that's how you feel, I understand. Truly, I understand. The fact of the matter is, this is a stupid post. Why I bother writing it at all escapes me. This post is an embodiment of just about every other post on this stupid blog; depressing to read but with no context whatsoever. I'm surprised this blog gets read at all. It's like the only thing I do on this blog is find new ways to be depressing. Do I do that well? I've been told I do. If you could do me a favour, I'd like to know if that's true.

I feel so lazy and unmotivated. I feel like there's just nothing left for me on this planet. I feel suffocated and alone. I feel lonely and purposeless. What are we doing for ourselves on this planet? We work and we work and we work. When we're old, we stop but then it's too late because we then find ourselves craving something to do, work if it must be that. We just get so bored that we want something in our lives, even if it's something so meaningless as work. We question our purpose on Earth and some may turn to God, some may go help homeless children, some may visit old people, some engage in charity, some turn to their old and withering spouse, wondering which of them will die first, some engage in stupid activities like, well, i'm sure everyone knows some form of stupid activity, while some don't even question. I don't even know what to say about a person who only just starts to think about his/her purpose after they've stopped working so I just won't.

It begs the question though, what is our purpose? Well, it doesn't really... I'm just saying that to fuck with you. If I didn't know what our purpose was, I wouldn't be so damn upset. Actually, not knowing would also upset me a fair bit. Something put us on Earth, a little planet in a galaxy so vast, you couldn't even start to imagine the actual vastness that we're talking about. He sends stars kaboom, He puts us in the path of asteroids, He makes our species unsustainable, He shows us all these planets that are uninhabitable, just balls of elements, basically, and He speaks of an inevitable Doomsday in His little black book. I think you know where I'm getting at. Basically, we have no purpose beyond death. If everyone dies, then that must be the purpose. AmIright? Probably not but I don't even give a fuck. I'm convinced that there really isn't any purpose to be had. You can talk about destiny and fate and all that other rubbish but they're just bullshit. If a person comes up to me and talks to me about destiny, I'll punch their faces in so hard, it would create a time warp, that would kill that mother fucker three years ago.

^ All that is rubbish. I'm just feeling like a piece of shit right now. I wish I knew why. If I did, this post would be a lot more meaningful. Basically, I'm just upset, I don't really know why. I'm upset with myself for being so alone in a world so full of people. I'm upset with myself for having nobody to hug tonight. I'm upset with myself for not having any company. I'm just upset in general and I have no fucking clue why that is. Having no clue why, in itself, also upsets me. Why am I not able to bring the source of these emotions to my awareness? Am I that bloody fucking stupid? I wish I was smarter. Fuck life, signing out.

December 9, 2011

Sleep Forever

I've been going to sleep hoping I don't wake up. Is that a bad thing, in general? I mean, on one hand, we all want to be happy. Then again, aren't people disappointed in life, in general? If I look at it that way, isn't that an OK thing? Probably not.

December 5, 2011

Zero

I expect a tiring day tomorrow at work. Well, maybe not tiring in the usual sense. It's more like I'm expecting to be as bored as usual which makes me sleepy which means I'll have to try so hard to stay awake which is tiring because... I don't know, fine, not tiring. Just extremely boring.

I know I don't usually do a post about my day to day life but just to add some context to this post, I'll do that. Hopefully, it does add some context and hopefully, I do have a point. Last week, I was given a spreadsheet to assist me in analysing private car thefts. I think I don't have to explain what that is. If anyone reads my posts, I attribute to them a high enough level of intellect. Otherwise, you wouldn't be reading all this crap. Anyway, I spent most of two days on it, or to be more exact, about 16 hours minus the five or so hours nodding off at my workstation. My conclusion, while important to me at the time but not really in general, was partially made and I needed additional information to continue. I approached my colleague to ask him where I may get it. Sure enough, he knew where, he had it, but he proceeded to tell me that my statistics was taken up to June while his consists of newer more relevant information up to August. Naturally, I was dumbfounded. I understood my input to be more valuable than a careless shrug placed so timely at the end of my work. Apparently, my input counted for squat because nobody even gives a flying fuck. Since he was also almost finished with the analysis, I slid away to continue looking at the outdated information, not sure how to continue. That was about two hours before my day at the office ended. I spent the rest of it trying to stay awake looking at numbers no longer relevant to me, to my colleagues, to the company, to anybody at all.

My point is that at the end of the day, do you know where your value lies? Is it in the quality of your work? Is it in the quality of your life? Is it in your life in general? Who knows anymore? For all you know, your value is null. I know mine is. My work has no value and by extension, in the sense that my work would constitute all I am worth to the world, my life value is null. It makes me sad to know this. Truly it does. It makes me feel like I've just had the rug pulled out from under my feet, no warning at all. In the two months I've been doing my internship, I feel I have contributed nothing at all to anybody. What I feel is that I may have learned a thing or two, but I have yet to prove useful beyond grunt work focused at cleaning up someone else mess, someone unimportant and irrelevant to boot. I feel like I have lost all credibility as a person who might have had the potential to bring something to greater heights, though that in itself may be aiming too high, being the single irrelevant person that I am.

I never write these things to garner support or comfort. I don't need those things. I can hold myself up just fine, thank you. I'm just saying these things as a means of expressing something intrinsic in the life we actually hold. To say that we are valuable human beings, each and every one of us, would be an outrageous lie; one that I myself would never believe. At the end of the day, what are you to the people around you?

Signing out.

November 24, 2011

Just an Entertaining Conversation

It's my blog so I can post whatever I want in it. Don't judge me. I bold some parts. It's just something that's been running through my mind lately. Just wanted to put it out there.


    Hansern Toh
        hulo
        it's sad... i was gonna game... but someone's preloading something... i'm not gonna point any fingers but it's really all your fault
        true story

    Kim Lian Tee
        im sorry
        =(

    Hansern Toh
        it's ok. i think i can find it in myself to forgive you
        it may take a day, it may take a year
        it may take ten

    Kim Lian Tee
        no!

    Hansern Toh
        but consider yourself forgiven for your grave misdeed.

    Kim Lian Tee
        not ten!
        hahahah
        what the hell hansern
        =P

    Hansern Toh
        hahah
        what'd i do? :P
        what's new?

    Kim Lian Tee
        go sit in your corner and figure it out
        no dinner till you realise what you did wrong
        =P
        nothin really
        i crashed my car

    Hansern Toh
        my room is a circle. it does not have corners.
        architects, right?
        go figure

    Kim Lian Tee
        your bed is likely square
        corner
        tadaa!

    Hansern Toh
        >= O
        you're absolutely right!
        but my bed is not in my room
        so that's alright

    Kim Lian Tee
        hahahah
        table... chair...?

    Hansern Toh
        all round

    Kim Lian Tee
        youre sitting on the floor with a laptop?

    Hansern Toh
        i'm in love with circles

    Kim Lian Tee
        i dnt believe you

    Hansern Toh
        hahah

    Kim Lian Tee
        houses in ttdi arent round anywhere

    Hansern Toh
        who would?
        but rooms can be

    Kim Lian Tee
        dunno...

    Hansern Toh
        i cemented the edges myself

    Kim Lian Tee
        im sure you did

    Hansern Toh
        true story
        when i was seven

    Kim Lian Tee
        youre a very talented guy hansern
        =P

    Hansern Toh
        with my father
        i asked him for a round room
        he said, "hansern, this is a life lesson which will serve you for the rest of your useless life. if you want something done well, go do it yourself."

    Kim Lian Tee
        had you never heard of toy cars?
        hahahah

    Hansern Toh
        what about them?

    Kim Lian Tee
        most seven year old boys want hot wheels
        or at least they did when i was seven

    Hansern Toh
        when i was seven i wanted a round room
        and i got it
        now i'm older and i realize i just fucked myself over because a round room was alright when i was a little shit. now i'm bigger and it's small
        =(
        too bad i had to use cement
        you have a sledgehammer?

    Kim Lian Tee
        no, i dont
        do you have a bendy ruler?
        yknow those ones we used to use for addmath graphs
        (well, the noobs that couldnt bend a regular ruler)
        cuz i could do with one

    Hansern Toh
        i always free-handed my way to victory
        so no

    Kim Lian Tee
        naice

    Hansern Toh
        nase
        haha
        why do you need a bendy ruler?
        i think that's a bit crude. use his tie

    Kim Lian Tee
        to draw a bendy line?
        funnayyy

    Hansern Toh
        oh, not to tie mar up?

    Kim Lian Tee
        how would a ruler tie anyone up
        =.=

    Hansern Toh
        bendie
        haha

    Kim Lian Tee
        and i dont trust him not to break whatever hes tied too

    Hansern Toh
        i don't know, kim. what does one do with a bendy ruler?

    Kim Lian Tee
        TO DRAW A BENDY LINE
        =.=

    Hansern Toh
        yeah... but bendy lines are boring
        i changed my mind
        my room is a sphere

    Kim Lian Tee
        in my homework theyre necessary
        a sphere

    Hansern Toh
        because bendy lines are boring

    Kim Lian Tee
        can i come visit?
        hahah

    Hansern Toh
        hahah

    Kim Lian Tee
        technically a sphere is just many many bendy lines

    Hansern Toh
        or
        or
        just one bendy line

    Kim Lian Tee
        im right

    Hansern Toh
        technically
        my room does not exist

        *technically you're right.
        *my room does not exist

        ...

        *technically you're right.
        *on a completely seperate note, my room does not exist

        messages, eh? so hard to get the right one across

    Kim Lian Tee
        word.

    Hansern Toh
        haha
        bendy rulers are fake
        go draw freehand

    Kim Lian Tee
        yessir
        =P

    Hansern Toh
        that's better
        you know what i really hate?

    Kim Lian Tee
        pray tell

    Hansern Toh
        you find a person that you can talk to so easily
        and then realize that person probably talks to everyone easily


    Kim Lian Tee
        and why do we hate that?

    Hansern Toh
        and it's not really a connection between 2 people but rather connections between a lot of people and one person

    Kim Lian Tee
        true

    Hansern Toh
        because you didn't just make a really cool friend. you just met a really cool person.

    Kim Lian Tee
        or maybe a really sad person
        who talks to everyone


    Hansern Toh
        haha

    Kim Lian Tee
        but really doesnt have many friends

    Hansern Toh
        no, that's not right

    Kim Lian Tee
        hence with a little extra effort
        you could be the special one with the better unifi enhanced connection
        =P
        or maybe theyre just plain cool
        that could work too


    Hansern Toh
        i don't think that works...
        yes
        that's right
        they're plain cool


    Kim Lian Tee
        which hahah?

    Hansern Toh
        why do you make things so complicated?

    Kim Lian Tee
        do i?

    Hansern Toh
        just stick to my version


    Kim Lian Tee
        yessir
        XD

    Hansern Toh
        that's a freaky face...

    Kim Lian Tee
        so why did this hate suddenly come to mind...?

    Hansern Toh
        haha. what do i hate?

    Kim Lian Tee
        =.=

    Hansern Toh
        because... it destroys the foundation of soul mates.
        the next time you meet someone new
        and you think, "hey, we have a really good connection"
        you'll remember what i said


    Kim Lian Tee
        hahah

    Hansern Toh
        and realize, no, that's not right. we don't really have a good connection. he has a good connection with everyone

    Kim Lian Tee
        ive never really noticed that
        i mean sometimes good connections dont turn out to be THE connection
        but hey
        i gained a good connection


    Hansern Toh
        i should write a book. people would lose hope in relationships forever.

    Kim Lian Tee
        only if i didnt write a book to counter yours
        we'd be really controversial
        and make big bucks
        XD

    Hansern Toh
        you gained a good connection. that person gained another good connection. to you, that person would be like, "woah". to him, you'd be like... meh

    Kim Lian Tee
        hahah thats a normal connection for me
        you get used to it

    Hansern Toh
        the point is that that's a normal connection for everybody. that's why people can relate
        the only difference is which person you are
        it makes me sad...
        i would cry... but i'm too good for tears
        in fact, i'm too good for anything. you could say i'm bitchin but all i'll say is my room is a sphere

    Kim Lian Tee
        and people say im negative
        hahah
        youre too good for connections then?

    Hansern Toh
        yeah, lian, spoil my moment
        thank you very much

    Kim Lian Tee
        score
        =P
        okay i have to go shower
        then do drawings

    Hansern Toh
        i don't like lian. i'll call you jessie from now on.

    Kim Lian Tee
        boring drawings
        but you call me kim....

    Hansern Toh
        haha
        yeah, but that's your family name
        i actually prefer kim

    Kim Lian Tee
        tee is the family name
        =.=

    Hansern Toh
        i'll call you kim then
        hahahah
        really?

    Kim Lian Tee
        really

    Hansern Toh
        damn...

    Kim Lian Tee
        are you at all chinese?

    Hansern Toh
        i thought lian tee is like... chinese name

    Kim Lian Tee
        no...
        its like

    Hansern Toh
        cool

    Kim Lian Tee
        hansern toh

    Hansern Toh
        go, kim. just go
        haha

    Kim Lian Tee
        kim lian tee


    Hansern Toh
        no no
        my name is toh hansern

    Kim Lian Tee
        lightbulb?
        =P

    Hansern Toh
        hansern is a chinese name

    Kim Lian Tee
        ok i gtg
        wish me luck!

    Hansern Toh
        good luck, kim

    Kim Lian Tee
        why does fb keep repeating what i say

    Hansern Toh
        haha

    Kim Lian Tee
        =.=

    Hansern Toh
        have a good one

    Kim Lian Tee
        try to
        dont give up on connections

    Hansern Toh
        haha

    Kim Lian Tee
        either that or try the word relationship
        =P

    Hansern Toh
        i'll think about it

    Kim Lian Tee
        byeeee

    Hansern Toh
        bye

April 10, 2010

Dadumm~

It's funny how some people think they're so smart. Take for instance, this phrase from a fan page in Facebook;

It's funny how you believe me when I say I'm OK.

I don't know about everyone else but I only accept that because it's convenient. People know when someone's not OK. It's easy to tell. So easy, in fact, that you can see it from just text messaging. We're not idiots. We know you're not OK; but is it ingrained in our system that if we know it, we must do something about it? Hell, no; and I wouldn't have it any other way. When you're having your menstrual pains (and we know it hurts like a bitch) and you're having PMS, you're sometimes (very often) also a bitch to comfort. Do we want to go through the trouble? Let me put it this way...

No.

As a matter of fact, I try my best to comfort people I know are worth it. Really. It may not be apparent at times but I do. I don't expect people to thank me for that. I don't expect even an ounce of gratitude. It's cool. We know what you're going through. It hurts. WE KNOW! You don't have to experience menstruation to know how much it hurts. By some scale of comparison, we can tell the kind of pain you're going through. We don't have to go through it ourselves to understand that. But when all you can do is bitch and moan when we're trying to comfort you, all the while throwing snide remarks right back in our faces... Seriously, what's the point? If it makes you feel better to be a bitch, by all means, tell that to me and I'll gladly play the role of bitchee; but if I'm not in the mood for that and you're clearly not trying for yourself either, all I can say is, "Good luck with that." This really applies to all other conditions; depression, broken leg, third degree burns, and last but definitely not least, stupidity.

Take another example (also noted by Haris.), people who try to be deep. Come on, what're you trying to prove? That you can string together a sentence that has some 'hidden meaning' in it? That you have the ability to think about life and come up with meaningful (retarded bullshit) metaphors? Take this for instance;

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

Honestly speaking, this isn't my first choice but whatever works, you know? Now, lets dig deep. We see that you have a point... And we see that you can form a sentence... We see you know how to spell and read and we see that you've thought a little about life... And now, we see that you have no elaboration. OK, so you can string a sentence together; but to be 'deep' by virtue of omission is just pure lame. By making something so general that it could encompass just about every other shit here on Earth; just what are you trying to prove? We don't need you to tell us how to live. We don't need you to drop your philosophies on us; which frankly, does us no good at all. The purpose of life is a life of purpose? Seriously? You're kidding me, right? Death is a purpose. Life is also a purpose. Good and bad are also 'purposes'. If you're gonna say something as general as that, why the hell do you even bother saying it? Does it make you feel good to pretend you know something about life when clearly, you haven't even mastered the cognitive reactions in your brain?! Is that as far as you thought it out? Because THAT! is PURE! UNADELTERATED! STUPIDITY! If you want to make a point, at least make a point that's worth listening to. Make a POINT! Not some childish attempt at thought process. If you want to say something just for the sake of saying it, and something so stupid to boot, then i suggest you bloody don't. It just goes to show how shallow you are, always skimming the surface, never really thinking about what you say. So much for being deep, huh, you shallow cunt?

Last but not least, people who generalize. What's that word again? Stereotype; that's it. The last call goes out for stereotyping.

After living for 20 years and six days, I just want to say, "I personally believe and suspect that guys have brains the size of peanuts." As sexist as it sounds, I personally do believe so. Story here.

OK, honestly, I don't blame her for saying it... It seems to me like most of her friends are really just a bunch of idiots. If you read the comments, you'd understand what I mean. They came up with crap for argument... Mostly irrelevant and the rest? Plain idiocy. But that's still stereotyping no matter how you look at it. I believe in gender equality. You can say anything you want but I believe women have a huge role in today's society. I believe women are smart. I believe they can do things. But when they say shit like this, it really taints the image. Notice how the statement encapsulates all guys. She doesn't say anything like, 'in general' or 'most'. She goes all out and says what? All guys; that's it. To me, that's really shallow. That's like... for lack of a better metaphor, putting yourself in a guy's shoe. Because I really do believe that guys are shallow, IN GENERAL. Also, in the comments, she conveniently added that she was saying it in general. That's also... quite shallow. If you don't want to stand up for the original statement, don't make it. 'Nuff said. Also, the logic is flawed and so is the reality. Peanut-sized brain? Have you ever seen a peanut? It's obvious she meant that quite literally and that she was exaggerating (or not), but to cut to the point, that's quite a stupid statement to make regarding all male humans.

Further-fucking-more, what's up with that last bit?

As sexist as it sounds, I personally do believe so.

Why do you care if you sound sexist when you are? That's like saying, I know I'm a purple dinosaur because I'm purple and I'm a freakin DINOSAUR, YO! If you don't want the label, don't make the statement. If you've made the statement, don't justify yourself with such intense stupidity. Accept that you're sexist. Accept that you've insulted all men. Don't say, "As sexist as it sounds, I personally do believe so," because WE KNOW YOU SOUND SEXIST AND WE KNOW YOU 'PERSONALLY DO BELIEVE SO'! BECAUSE YOU DO SOUND SEXIST AND YOU SAID YOU 'PERSONALLY BELIEVE'! WE'RE NOT FUCKING IDIOTS (in general)! WE CAN READ! OTHERWISE, WE WOULDN'T BE USING A WEB BROWSER OF EVEN A COMPUTER FOR THAT MATTER!

Ah, fuck that. Signing off.

April 7, 2009

Nonsense

Contrary to popular belief, the being named Hansern doesn't always have something to write about. Sometimes, life is sad; depressing even... but not now. Why is this so? I don't know... but what I do know is it's consuming my inspiration. In a way, I guess it's a bad thing. On the other hand, is it really so bad to be happy? "What goes up must come down," or so they say... but I don't see that coming so I'll just enjoy the up for awhile... or for a long while depending on how things go. Then again, is it really so bad to be happy? I like being happy. Also contrary to popular belief, the being called Hansern likes being happy. Unbelievable? Believe it. I'm no idiot. I know a thing or two about living life. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? There's one thing, though, that sets things apart no matter where you go. Like a beetle stuck in a tree... But wait! Does that make sense? No, of course not... but that's the point. What I meant to say was, "Senselessness is what sets things apart no matter where you go." Senselessness splits things because it wants to even if it doesn't make sense.

I think there's something wrong with the world. When you speak of world leaders, do you think 'diplomat'? Or do you think 'Genocidal maniac'? Or do you think there is, generally, just something wrong with the whole system? What brings people to start wars? Besides for greed, it's stupid. I mean, I'm not against wars. It's a sign, surely. When you don't deplete the numbers, the numbers overwhelm the system. Then again, why am I talking about things that mean nothing to me? Why am I talking about world leaders... and war... and politics? I think the world is a lost cause. No, life is a lost cause. Just stop all life. It makes everything easier.

Oh geez, I'm writing a lot of nonsense when it's time to sleep... What am I doing? Turning in, signing off.